Sunday, April 6, 2008
Mulling the Playoffs: Satirical Newspaper Edition
Posted by Alejandro de los Rios on Sun, Apr 6, 2008 at 1:24 AM
by Alejandro de los Rios
The New Orleans Levee ("We Don't Hold Anything Back") published an incredible Letter to the Editor in the April issue regarding the Hornets by one Tyrone Shoelaces a.k.a. Baskteball Jones. The letter brings up something that I've been talking about with friends since I moved down here: that the Hornets have nothing to do with the city of New Orleans. You know, just like the Jazz have nothing to do with Utah.
"Now we’ve got the Hornets, which have nothing to do with New Orleans, and they keep welcoming us to the “Hive,” which has nothing to do with Hornets.They are cheered on by the HoneyBees. Now, it must be said that any self-respecting hornet would sting to death any honey bee any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
The Hornets’ home colors are teal, which is wrong on multiple levels, let alone the fact that it’s not even the color hornets are."
I must say, I can't help but agree on almost all these points. The sad truth, professional sports teams rarely, if ever, make apologies for their names. The only instance I can remember was when the Washington Bullets changed their name to the Wizards, holding a contest to see what the new team name would be and even then the owner charged fans $1 for vote.
Being the superstitious city that this is, I think fans would be bound to the name Hornets, however irreverent, should the team bring home a title this year. But, let's say they don't, and fans had a chance to name the team. The first question is: "would you?" Assuming the answer is yes, the next obvious is question is: "what would you change it to?"
Well it would have to be something completely New Orleans. Saints and VooDoo are already taken, as is Jazz, the obvious choice. Allow me to make a few suggestions:
- The Krewe (I'm so proud of that one I had to list it first)
- The Zulu (Second favorite)
- The Creoles (A stretch)
- The Streetcars (everybody get on board!)
- The Desire (Ooo, literary)
- The Louies (Kingly)
- The Bourbons (the ruling family during New Orleans founding)
- The Jazz (Assuming New Orleans could somehow strip the name from Utah and then they'd have to settle on a name. The Salty Mormons, anyone?)
- The Gators (unlikely, considering there's an SEC school with the same name)
- The River Pirates (Kinda lame, but ties in with the city nicely)
- The Crawfish (tasty)
- The Nutrias (though the Zephyrs might have a problem with that)
Any suggestions?
Comments (11)
Showing 1-11 of 11
I do like the Krewe... but now I'm sort of attached to the Hornets after this year.
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I can understand why local folks want to change the name, but as someone who's been a fan of the team since the early Charlotte days, I'd like them to keep the name Hornets. I think more important than changing the name here is changing the uniforms. The "fleur de bee" was a step in the right direction. Now they just need to follow suit with the uniforms.
Although we could do the New Orleans Blues (a la the St. Louis Blues in hockey), as long as there are Lakers in Los Angeles, Jazz in Utah, and Grizzlies in Memphis, I can't say there's a need to match the Nola basketball team name to the heart of the city. I do like, as Ron says above, that the team has tried to bridge that gap with the fleur de bee logo, and as such, has embraced the city as much as it has embraced them.
tyrone you should change your surname to velcro cuz theres nothing wrong with our name. look at other pro sports as an example. there are plenty of other team names w/ no association to their city. the only acceptable change would be the colors. also, the fdb logo is probably the most gangsta in the league.
As my initial epistle was re-written slightly for the satirical newspaper, the Levee, it lost a bit of the original emphasis. While I would like to see us called the Jazz (and perhaps, as the "Bee State", Utah may be interested in trading), I am mostly concerned with the ignorance we advance by saying we play in "the Hive". Wouldn't, "Welcome to the Hornets' Nest!” be intimidating enough (and accurate)? The honeybees, the colors, the name ... projects for another day. Go Hornets!
re: "tyrone you should change your surname to velcro " bob loblaw Bob, do you mean my first name? Tyrone Velcro isn't funny ~ but Velcro Shoelaces might be (and damned handy, to boot). But what do I know, I'm Shoeless. You'll have to check with Cheech and/or Chong, who came up with it (Tie Your Own Shoelaces, I believe is the pun). Go Hornets!
I agree with the bothersome "Hive" issue...frankly, its embarrassing. If the team branding-marketing department would just make that one correction then I could live with the fact that we have the Hornets (and not the regionally appropriate 'Jazz'). I could even deal with seeing overgrown men sporting tight, shimmering, teal fabrics in support of their team...the Honeybees (who desparately need some better choreography, classier costuming and less time frying their little heads in the tanning beds), etc... Maybe when we enter the Arena on Tuesday night the announcer will welcome us to the "Hornets' Nest" instead? One can always hope...
What about the Whore Nets, embracing our Storyville roots? Fishnets on the honeybees might create a buzz.
Tyrone, you shouldn't get much debate on that point (I agree)...I know its the NBA and the cheerleaders are generally more like "dancers" (if you know what I mean...) than actual cheerleaders (and I'm very cool with that-it is, afterall, the NBA!) BUT...ours aren't even good "dancers" -- they have NO sense of timing, the choreography is rotten and the music selections are pathetic. OH...don't get me started...!!! HoneyBees aside (because they really are peripheral), I think we have a great team, a deserving MVP, coach of the year, etc...I just wish we could somehow convince the NBA to give us our old 'Jazz' moniker back. Maybe have a special "Winner Takes the Name Game"??? I know switching names/brands is a marketing nightmare but think of all the revenue it would generate if we all had to go out and buy new "New Orleans Jazz" gear... Regardless...Go Team! Despite being the inappropriately named "Hornets" and playing in the erroneously titled "Hive" -- they are still our team and we need to support them (whilst trying to erradicate the ignorance of those who chose "Hive" over the correct "Nest").
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