Monday, September 8, 2008
The Gustav Driving Excuse is hereby revoked
Posted by Kevin Allman on Mon, Sep 8, 2008 at 7:11 PM
Dear Motorists of the Greater New Orleans Metro Region, Including But Not Limited To Orleans, Jefferson, St. Bernard, and St. Tammany Parishes:
Gustav could've done a lot worse in our area, as he did do in the coastal parishes. He was scary and he was stressful. He was also last week.
Your right to drive in a dazed, confused, and shell-shocked fashion has (unlike the curfew) been revoked.
This is not to say that the metro region expects you to suddenly learn to drive well, or even carefully and competently -- just that driving habits must now assume pre-Gustav levels and stay there. More to the point, this means:
- No more wobbling about in the left lane, left blinker on, before you suddenly and unexpectedly pull right across lanes of traffic.
- No more blocking two lanes of cars perpendicularly to make a left turn because you could not wait 45 seconds for a break in the traffic.
- No more stopping directly in front of your destination with your blinkers on when there are parking spots 25 feet away.
- And most of all -- no more whatever it is you did that resulted in a Talladega-style pileup outside the McDonald's down the street from me, where weeping children were standing in the rain while fire trucks and ambulances were screaming up to the scene.
If you live in an unaffected community, the Gustav Driving Excuse has been revoked; you are out of the Cone of Uncertain Motoring. Click it or ticket. Thank you.
Comments (4)
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It's how they always drive and when you give a bad driver a cell phone, watch out.
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My fave is the Intersection Of Uncertainty. "I'm at an intersection with blinking or dead lights. Do I pretend that I took driver's ed and make like it's a four-way stop sign or do I just accelerate into the middle of the intersection out of turn and make all of the cars approaching screech to a complete stop inches away from my car? Hmmmm ..." Morons.
Ah, NOLA stye traffic enforcement. Cannot wait to see if any of this stupidity results in tickets in the mail courtesy of the Big Brother cameras....
My personal favorite was a driver in a large black Range Rover turning right onto Magazine St. while simultaneously putting on mascara and chatting on her bright orange cell phone. And this was BEFORE Gustav. What excuse then?
