Monday, October 12, 2009
Heady Metal
Posted by Noah Bonaparte Pais on Mon, Oct 12, 2009 at 5:17 PM
Just about every day for the past two years I've gotten an email from Adrenaline PR's metal publicist Maria Ferrero, and just as surely I've deleted it. Don't get me wrong: I was happy to hear that Richmond, Va., thrashers Municipal Waste got three dates in Germany to open their Massive Aggressive, "Waste the World" tour. We just didn't seem to have much utility for that information here at Gambit.
- Until now, that is. Allow me to share what has become my favorite part of Ferrero's daily missives: the artwork. While it's an unwritten rule that every pop and rock press kit must contain at least one brick wall or chain-link fence, so too must every metal kit or album cover contain hyper-stylized, demonically Photoshopped alterations of band members as some form of occult hero of the undead. Crazy-elaborate fonts, possessed artist renderings, punny titular mash-ups — forget the music, it's these sins of InDesign that rock. Behold the best of my Mac trashcan (more devil worship after the jump):
- The Band: Genitorturers
The Album: Blackheart Revolution
The Message: Self-loathing Debbie Harry-type rises out of a pit of flames, Joan of Arc-style.
Bonus Points For: theatrical proscenium, hammered-steel nameplate, dramatic mascara-tears
- The Band: Brother Von Doom
The Album: Relentless
The Message: Brawny warrior brandishes a leaky fountain pen over a landscape of skulls. Clearly mightier than the sword.
Bonus Points For: aesthetic presentation, spooky lighting, convincingly badass scream-o face
- The Band: Chthonic
The Album: Mirror of Retribution
The Message: Consonant-loving Taiwanese vamps sharpen teeth, get head henna and evoke everyone's worst J-horror nightmare.
Bonus Points For: sharpened teeth, head henna, the one dude with a hankie over his face, the other dude with pink eye
- The Band: Gwar
The Album: Lust in Space
The Message: Pink ladies pine for grown men dressed as action figures from space.
Bonus Points For: no bonus points needed — winner!
Comments (4)
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Please tell me you're still getting the awesome promos from Napalm Records with the helpful taxonomy: "Folk Metal," "Symphonic Metal," "Power Metal," etc etc.
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Oh yes. It's a popular Gambit parlor trick to guess the Napalm subgenre based on the name and album cover alone. Karma to Burn: obvious stoner metal. Korpiklaani? Good luck with that.
