I dont know what I ever did to the Revolution but they drove my ass at that parade like a slave on a planation at harvest time (yeah I said it!) I shoulda known it was going down bad from the beginning - they have the longest route of the season - 6 miles - and they started late and took hella long with their change of suits. And if you know anything about the NOPD you know you betta have that parade at the finish line by 5pm - you dont need nor want to know the or else. We were rolling so hard I pulled groin muscles on both sides! Now how the hell am I supposed to be all I can be with a crippled taint?? Hobbled coochie is not a cute look! By the time I got to St. Charles and Louisiana, Id been at it for 3 hours with one more to go and I had a decision to make: thug it out another several miles to Tchoup and Peninston. Or revert back to my lady of leisure roots, hop on the next streetcar, get home and rest my nerves. At that precise moment, a sissy wearing tight stonewash jeans, studded belt and checkered vans scurrying with the rest of the parade tripped and splattered across the streetcar tracks, Heineken crashing right next to his startled face, with the rest of the parade rolling right over all that broken glass. And that my friends was sign-at-the-crossroads enough for me. If the gay boy is falling down from parade stress, what chance do I have of getting to the finish line looking like anything but a smoked out mess? Baby I jumped on that streetcar so quick- I didn't even have the right cash on me. Thank God for the man from Baton Rouge in the seersucker suit who saw my distress and dirty feet, took pity on me and paid my fare. I cast the sea of wide-eyed staring riders that Do Not Disturb Black woman side-eye, collapsed on the bench, whipped out the wet naps and began slowing cleaning and resuscitating my traumatized feet.
The following Sunday was Pigeon Towns parade and they were only a half mile shorter in length. I see right now we need to organize a second line labor union. Paraders have rights too. We need our 15 minute breaks, workplace safety, on the job injury insurance. I know one thing - if I see any signs of long term coochie arthritis, Im filing a workers comp claim. And if they don't pay up Im a pull a Norma Rae, snatch that bullhorn from the Got them cole cole Heinekens! man and shut parade season down till theyre ready to bargain.
In case you're just joining us, no I'm not always this bitter...
You can find more second line videos and other local culture stuff on my website www.notesfromneworleans.com.