In case you didn't recognize that person resembling a Lisa Frank rendering of a human girl at this year's MTV Video Music Awards, that would be Katy Perry — another creation by the collection of intelligent computers and sound-making machines otherwise known as the pop music industry. She is really popular for some reason, and undoubtedly many people spent money to see her perform tonight at the New Orleans Arena. Let's take a look at her career so far:
Perry first assaulted our ears with "I Kissed a Girl" (not to be confused with the considerably better Jill Sobule song of the same name). With her throwback aesthetic and penchant for not wearing pants, Perry established herself as a pin-up Lady Gaga, except not talented.
Here is "Waking Up in Vegas," the first of her dumb "lol wut did we do last night?!?!" songs.
The lead single from her second album Teenage Dream (not to be confused with the considerably better Beach House album Teen Dream) was "California Gurls," whose video featured Perry shooting things out of her boobs. The video tributes California by showcasing the state's magnificent candy beaches, lollipop trees and dancing Gummy Bears.
OK, I'm going to be serious for a second and say that "Teenage Dream," the second single from that album, totally rules. Even Aimee Mann, an actual songwriter person, agrees with me. Those intelligent computers get it right sometimes.
Claiming a career that took off with a paean to fetishized lesbianism, a song called "Ur So Gay," and gender-progressive lyrics such as "You change your mind / like a girl changes clothes," it was natural Perry would become an LGBT advocate. This song is for you, the bullied youth of America. It gets better, because baby ur a firework!!
What else? She's married to Russell Brand, that sinewy British guy with Chronic Outside Voice Syndrome. She's also a devout Christian, if that wasn't obvious. WWJD? Shoot whipped cream out of his tits, that's what!
The show is tonight at 7:30 p.m. Janelle Monae, a person with real talent, opens. Tickets are one million dollars.