Gambit publishes seven gift guides during the holiday season. Each features 12 items, for a total of 84 gifts. That's a lot of gift-wrangling. But even with this extensive shopping coverage, a few special items inevitably slip through the cracks. So here's our Lagniappe Gift Guide.
Last night, I went to what can only be described as a hipster cookie decorating party (sorry, Alex Woodward) where an attendee bemoaned the fact that she could find NOT A SINGLE TACKY CHRISTMAS SWEATER at the thrift store. Ironic holiday revelers had done a number on that place. But even if you COULD find a tacky Christmas sweater, do you know what would make it even tackier? If it was actually silkscreened on a T-shirt. And what would make it even tackier than that? If it featured humping mooses.
Which brings us to the first, gloriously tacky item:
There also are (relatively) tasteful versions featuring leaping cats and grazing dinosaurs, but when it's tacky T-shirt time, go hard or go home.
It's about to be 2013. You want to keep on top of your schedule. You don't want to die in a fire. And you enjoy looking at shirtless, muscular men. Now there's a way to sate all these desires with one $20 calendar:
Harrah's Masquerade Club hosts a little soiree at 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 14, where attendees can meet the "heroic hunks" in person and "get a free photo with their favorite steamy stud" (quotes are lifted from the press release), so that's really a gift in itself. All proceeds benefit the New Orleans Firefighters Foundation — they're planning to use the money to outfit their fire trucks with Batmobile-esque thermal imagers, which show firefighters the victim's location in a burning building using infrared radiation. NEAT.
The next item is perfect for the guy or gal who has everything except enough tattoos. It's a gift certificate to Downtown Tattoo! And if you stop in and pick it up this Saturday, Dec. 15, and bring an unwrapped toy valued at $15-$20 to donate to Toys for Tots, you'll get a free Sailor Jerry tattoo or free body piercing (jewelry not included). So everybody wins.
One last item and I'll wrap this gift guide up (get it????). This is a cypress bonsai tree. That costs $40,000. It is a TINY TREE THAT COSTS $40,000. And there's a wee, fierce samurai dude at its base. Somebody buy this for me. In fact, feel free to buy me everything on this gift guide except the humping reindeer T-shirt, because I already got myself one.