
Tom Benson, mayor-king of the city-state of New Orleans, announced last week his acquisition of the New Orleans Hornets, the basketball team equivalent of the prettiest girl in school you'll do anything to get her to win an NBA championship. (And no doubt disappointing Chris Trew, who has since moved on to coach the New Orleans Saints.)
Oh, and then Benson mentioned he wants to rename the team. "I would like all you to help me with this," he said. "We want to change the name from Hornets to something that means New Orleans and Louisiana. The Hornets don't mean anything."
With few words, Benson sends the entire city of New Orleans into what I'm calling a CITYWIDE MENTAL SPORTS EVENT.

There hasn't been much positive stories to write about the Hornets in the past few months and, with a record that puts them dead last in the Western Conference by five games, it's not hard to see why. Aside from Emeka Okafor and Trevor Ariza, the roster is filled with journeymen and first- and second-year players that most people would have trouble recognizing if they wore their uniforms out on the street (Pop quiz: Name five players aside from the two I just mentioned that are currently on the active roster).
The Hornets have seemingly plunged into irrelevancy in New Orleans for the time being. Since Chris Paul was traded to the Los Angeles Clippers, the Hornets have seen the player they traded for (Eric Gordon) watch most of the games this season on the sidelines with a knee injury (the latest report says he'll be out another six weeks after having surgery) while the Saints rewrote the NFL's offensive record book and the Superdome hosted the BCS National Championship game. Now, with Mardi Gras in full swing, the Hornets won't host a home game until 15 days away. Really, it's no wonder that the Hornets have the lowest average ticket price in the league.
But while there's no denying that New Orleans is home to a pretty bad basketball team - at least as far as win-loss record is concerned - it's not all doom and gloom for the Bees. For one, the Hornets beat the Utah Jazz last night 86-80 in a scrappy (neither team shot better than 43%), sloppy (there were a combined 30 turnovers) and surprisingly thrilling (the winner wasn't obvious until the last 30 seconds) game. Sure, it's just the fifth win in 28 games for New Orleans, but they did it with just eight players on the roster against a Utah team that's very much in the hunt for the Western Conference's last playoff spot. This team, at the very least, is still trying to win games.
A cynic would be quick to point out that the Hornets probably don't even want to win at this point. After all, between them, the Charlotte Bobcats (3-25) and Washington Wizards (6-22) the race to see who will have the highest odds to land the No. 1 pick in this summer's NBA draft is pretty tight. But while looking at the big picture may be the only way to console die-hard fans looking for some sort of silver lining in what is an otherwise completely forgetful season, it doesn't mask the fact that losing sucks and no amount of gimmicky lineup announcements or theme nights will make up for the fact that no one wants to pay good (even cheap) money to see a team lose every night.
Coming into tonight's game, the Hornets had made a habit of playing competent-to-competitive first-halves and then completely falling apart in second halves. But last night, the Hornets opened the third quarter by outscoring the Jazz 20-4 and, while Utah was able to hang in the game late, New Orleans never really let it slip away. Ironically enough, the Hornets did it on the back of Chris Kaman, a player that the Hornets publicly put up for trade just a few weeks ago. To top it off, last night was also the game in which the team puts on its annual Mardi Gras celebration and everyone got to enjoy the weirdness that is life-size king cake baby.
Of course, barring some Jeremy-Lin-with-the-Knicks-type miracle, the Hornets are not going to get magically better overnight, so wins like last night's are probably still going to be few and far between. The Hornets have been ravaged by injuries and, thus, haven't been able to find a rhythm or a consistent roster all season (thought it's hard to imagine how much better the team would be with so much untested talent on the roster). After the Hornets started the season 2-0, I wrote that eventually the team would endure a serious reality check at some point in the season. Little did we know, that reality check would last all season long.
Even if the New Orleans Hornets can't seem to win a game, the team knows how to bring the surreal (and we're not just talking King Cake Baby). Witness the player introductions from last night, performed by comedian Will Ferrell.
Among Ferrell's biographical notes on the players: "He has a pet dolphin named Chachi," "His favorite movie is The Notebook," "He majored in Econ ... but he minored in Love" (Emeka Okafor) and — best of all, while introducing Trevor Ariza, "He still likes to listen to Bell Biv DeVoe." Add to that Hugo the Hornet dressed in a Rubik's Cube while images of Gary Coleman and clips from Dynasty played on the Jumbotron (it was '80s Night) and you've got a surreal sports spectacle that might, almost, distract you from the fact the Bees sank to the Chicago Bulls 90-73.
But there was lagniappe, particularly for anyone who's ever wanted to see WDSU-TV's Fletcher Mackel shut down. After the introductions, Mackel approached Ferrell for a interview and was rebuffed. Unfortunately, the moment wasn't caught on tape, but here's a reenactment.
The Charlotte Observer reports New York Knicks star (and former New Orleans Hornet) Baron Davis has a painful condition — a herniated di...
What????
* h/t Black Sports Online, Jim Romenesko
Mike Persinger, executive sports editor of the Charlotte Observer, explains how it happened (the typo, not the herniation).

If a week ago, anyone had said that the the New Orleans Hornets would be undefeated after two games, with one win coming on the final buzzer on the road and another coming in the form of a dominant performance against the Boston Celtics in front of a sold-out home crowd, it would be hard to take them seriously.
And yet here we are. The Hornets are a surprising 2-0 for the second year in a row under head coach Monty Williams and once again a team everyone thought was going to be bad to just-a-bit-better-than-bad shows that it can play ball. Normally, because the NBA season can be so long, you'd have to take the Hornets 97-78 win over the Celtics last night with a grain of salt. But with a lockout-shortened 66-game season, every game counts more than ever and the Hornets will take every win they can get.
Not that people should be planning any championship parades. The season-opening against Phoenix, though thrilling, came against one of the few teams picked to finish as bad or worse than the Hornets. Last night's win against Boston, though uplifting, came against a team that's opened their season with three road games in four days in New York, Miami and here, with the last two coming in the past 48 hours. At the very least, though, the Hornets have proven capable of taking advantage of teams not playing their best.
Williams has been quick to point out that the lockout ended only recently, and the reduced preseason has left teams shuffling their lineups and with players having to adapt quickly to NBA competition. Last night, the Hornets seemed liked they've been playing together non-stop for years on end, playing solid team defense and rarely missing assignments. Boston, meanwhile, managed to make just over 37 percent of their shots and looked more and more tired as the game wore on.
New Orleans had five players score in double figures last night, with Jarrett Jack leading the way with 21 points and 9 assists. Carl Landry has picked up were he left off last season after he replaced an injured (and now departed) David West and added 20 points and 11 rebounds. Most importantly, when Landry and Jack sat, the team didn't fall apart and after taking the lead in the first quarter, New Orleans never looked back. In the end, there was just no denying the fact that Williams had his players ready to play while Boston looked liked a disheveled version of its former self.
Of course, all of this could just be a mirage created by the shortened preseason, the rapid-fire regular season schedule and the lack of time to teams have had to scout each other since the lockout ended. After all, the Hornets barely even had a set roster as little as two weeks ago, not even Williams could tell how well his team would perform when the real games started (for his part, Williams downplayed expectations throughout the preseason, saying what a young team needed most was practice time that the Hornets didn't have. That lack of practice time and breaks to study film could well come back to haunt this team). It stands to reason that, eventually, other teams that have properly scouted the Hornets will bring them back to Earth.
For now, Hornets fans should bask in their team's second-straight surprising start to a season. And, even if this team does start to regress and ends up being as bad as everyone predicted, they have a solid base of young talent to build around and two draft picks next year to help the cause. All in all, it's fun time to be a Hornets fan.
Fancy that.
Tonight, the New Orleans Hornets enter the Hive for the team's home opener, a Chris Paul-less crew of future champions and hungry NBA babies.
Overshadowed by Drew Brees' obliteration of the Atlanta Falcons at the Superdome on Monday Night Football, the Bees won Monday's season opener against the Phoenix Suns thanks to a last minute score from Eric Gordon. Tonight, with no footballs in sight, the Hornets have the city's full attention (or should have) at the New Orleans Arena, as the team takes on the Boston Celtics.
And Chris Trew, bearded founder of The New Movement theater and Hell Yes Fest, Air Sex-ist and future champion himself, welcomes you to opening night:

About 1,000 New Orleans public school students will learn the benefits of attending class every day during a special party for scholars with perfect attendance. The event is from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Tuesday, Dec. 20, at Mardi Gras World (1380 Port of New Orleans Place).
More than 600 Recovery School District (RSD) students in the fifth through eighth grades who have perfect attendance for a year were invited to the event. Each of thos students is allowed to bring three guests, and each child who attends receives a gift. Party goers also can play games, enter Wii tournaments, meet and take pictures with Hornets forwards Al-Farouq Aminu and Carl Landry, guard Marco Belinelli and center/forward Jason Smith. Head coach Monty Williams and some assistant coaches also will be on hand, as well as Hornets mascot Hugo, the Honeybees and Santa Claus.
Emerge is an attendance incentive initiative for middle school students in the RSD, and the Salvation Army Greater New Orleans Area Command, the Hornets, Richard’s Disposal and other groups provide incentives (including passes to special events at the Audubon zoo, a Hornets pep rally and more), throughout the year to encourage students to attend school every day. The Hornets organization said in a news release that since the program began, the total number of students with perfect attendance for an entire school year has more than doubled, and monthly attendance has increased 14 percent.

In his first press conference as a Los Angeles Clipper, Chris Paul took an extended moment to talk about how much the city of New Orleans means to him, as well as pledging to continue to stay active in the community here. Paul also said that the Crescent City will always have a special place in his heart.
Not special enough to have signed an extension here, but alas, details.