WTF?

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Report: Alien to land UFO on Bourbon Street on Fat Tuesday

Posted By on Tue, Feb 21, 2017 at 12:59 PM

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Lost in the hurlyburly of the first weekend of Mardi Gras, the first month of Donald Trump's presidency and the firehose of "fake news" comes this definitely-not-fake-news from Weekly World News, the former supermarket tabloid that now seems to be an online-only affair.

Billed (rightly) as a "Mardi Gras STUNNER!," the WWN seems to be the only media outlet to report an alien vows: "I'LL LAND MY UFO ON BOURBON STREET — ON FAT TUESDAY!"

The alien from Planet Zeeba, we are told, "wants to paint New Orleans red!"

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It's been a busy year for the Alien, according to the Weekly World Newsit met with Trump before the presidential election and endorsed him, despite the fact that Trump's Democratic challenger, Hillary Clinton, had earlier adopted an alien baby in a naked grasp for the extraterrestrial vote:
But Alien, who is from Planet Zeeba, the most friendly planet in our galaxy, says that he wanted to endorse Hillary Clinton but felt that she was not fit for office. Apparently, everybody on Planet Zeeba has read Hillary Clinton’s 33,000 missing emails and… “they make us sick. She compromised the safety of her country and of earth.”

Aliens from Zeeba predict that there is a 95.6% chance of a Trump victory and a 100% chance of an alien invasion.
That prediction was more accurate than most of our terrestrial poll-takers ... so it seems a certainty that an alien will indeed land its UFO on Bourbon Street one week from today, which surprisingly is not included in the city's official and exhaustive list of Mardi Gras planning.

Interestingly, the alien did not choose to attend the Krewe of Chewbacchus last weekend, where it might have felt more at home — raising the question: Is this a 'bro' alien? Does the alien want to "earn some beads"? Catch a bit of the Bourbon Street Awards? Split a "federally trademarked" Hand Grenade with Earl and Pam? We'll just have to find out.
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Friday, February 17, 2017

Feast your eyes (and your stomach?) on the "All-Star Weekend King Cake Burger"

Posted By on Fri, Feb 17, 2017 at 1:26 PM

Gambit basketball guy (and professional Pelicans-opposing-team-irritant) Chris Trew is covering the All-Star Weekend festivities, including the special dishes being put together by Centerplate for the weekend.

He got this photo of something called the "All-Star Weekend King Cake Burger":

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It seems to be a "variant" of the king cake burger from the food truck Food Drunk. Darren Rovell of ESPN posted another photo of the concoction, which costs $12.50 and comes with "chipotle spread" to go with that delicious sugar.

Simple question: Would you eat it?

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Monday, February 13, 2017

Endymion space-saving: New battle lines are drawn on Orleans Avenue

Posted By on Mon, Feb 13, 2017 at 2:49 PM

Too bad this tree on Orleans Avenue isn't a Confederate monument on public land; it might get protected from vandalism. - KEVIN ALLMAN
  • KEVIN ALLMAN
  • Too bad this tree on Orleans Avenue isn't a Confederate monument on public land; it might get protected from vandalism.

Endymion-goers were busy again this weekend on Orleans Avenue, using ever more bold spray paint to mark their territories for the Krewe of Endymion's annual roll. (Somehow Krewe du Vieux managed to get it done without anyone marking up the Elysian Fields neutral ground.)

On Orleans, however, New Orleans Police Department barricades have been erected, TIM and ED and FRED J have their spots all locked up — and Endymion still is 12 days off.

Behold:

Slideshow
Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017
Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017

Endymion space-saving: Feb. 13, 2017

By Kevin Allman

Click to View 13 slides


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Sunday, February 12, 2017

Krewe du Vieux sends up the world in a crowd-pleasing, profane parade

Posted By on Sun, Feb 12, 2017 at 2:31 AM

"The Russians Are Coming" was a Krewe du Vieux float by subkrewe Krewe of Comatose, parodying President Donald Trump's cozy relationship with Russia — featuring him being sodomized by Vladimir Putin. - ALEX WOODWARD
  • ALEX WOODWARD
  • "The Russians Are Coming" was a Krewe du Vieux float by subkrewe Krewe of Comatose, parodying President Donald Trump's cozy relationship with Russia — featuring him being sodomized by Vladimir Putin.

Carnival's most irreverent walking krewe, Krewe du Vieux, rolled (or is it staggered?) tonight through the Faubourg Marigny and French Quarter. This year's theme — "The Crass Menagerie" — was interpreted widely by KdV's 17 subkrewes.

The theme was elastic — perhaps too much so. Floats and marchers encompassed everything from the "Audubondage Zoo" to Wikileaks — and, of course, plenty of barbs thrown at President Donald Trump. Many of the marchers made reference to the president's famous "grab them by the pussy" quote, with people strutting down the street dressed as vaginas and the traditional "Pizza Sluts" brigade bringing all matter of genitalia to the route. Comatose had a funny float featuring Trump being sodomized by Russian president Vladimir Putin ("The Russians Are Coming").

Krewe of K.A.O.S. had a winner with "Orange is the New Black," which somehow mashed up the TV show of the same name, Trump's odd skin color and A Clockwork Orange, with marching "droogs" dressed like Malcolm McDowall in the film A Clockwork Orange. Krewe du Mishigas sent up Trump's immigration executive order with a clever throw called the "Alien Visa Application," and there were "I Voted" stickers with Putin instead of George Rodrigue's Blue Dog, but many of the throws and handouts weren't as inspired as in years past.

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Wednesday, February 8, 2017

At least no one has done this to a New Orleans water meter cover

Posted By on Wed, Feb 8, 2017 at 1:31 PM

click image CREATIVE COMMONS/ED BATISTA
  • CREATIVE COMMONS/ED BATISTA

New Orleans' iconic "Ford Wabash" water meter covers — with their distinctive crescent moon and star pattern — are so beautiful they're sold on eBay, stolen by thieves, made into prints, crafts, jewelry and photos, turned into charms, made into cuff links, turned into garden ornaments and sold as rugs, among many other artsy-craftsy things.

People love them — but not as much as this man in England, who was caught making sweet love to his local water meter cover in the middle of the day on a busy street:

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Interview: Daniel "Iron Man" Mosier, competitive arm wrestler

Posted By on Wed, Feb 8, 2017 at 12:29 PM

Arm wrestlers compete at a tournament. - COURTESY WORLD ARM WRESTLING LEAGUE
  • COURTESY WORLD ARM WRESTLING LEAGUE
  • Arm wrestlers compete at a tournament.

The most dangerous place at an arm-wrestling tournament, Daniel Mosier says, is the novice table. There, he's seen 12 or 13 broken arms from inexperienced competitors who don't understand proper positioning and technique in this up-and-coming sport based on the familiar barroom test of strength (and will).

Mosier, a 39-year-old industrial plant foreman from Lake Charles, returns to New Orleans this weekend to compete in World Armwrestling League's Southern Classic, the "Battle in the Bayou." He's a nationally ranked arm-wrestler who has traveled throughout the U.S. and to tournaments abroad to compete in the sport's middleweight division. He spoke with Gambit by phone in advance of the tournament to share a little bit about the one-time hobby that eventually consumed his life.

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Monday, February 6, 2017

Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017

Posted By on Mon, Feb 6, 2017 at 3:11 PM

Put on a happy face — Endymion is now less than three weeks away, though much of the prime neutral ground real estate on Orleans Avenue already has been claimed, like this enormous space.
  • Put on a happy face — Endymion is now less than three weeks away, though much of the prime neutral ground real estate on Orleans Avenue already has been claimed, like this enormous space.

Krewe of Endymion fans were busy over the weekend marking their territory for this year's roll
(which still is almost three weeks away). The claiming of the turf began last week — a new early record — but went into high gear this weekend, when spray paint was used to delineate vast swaths of neutral ground grass on Orleans Avenue.

And now, the photo gallery. Meet PUG and PEARL, Maumus and Aaron and all your soon-to-be Mid-City neighbors.

Slideshow
Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017
Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017 Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017

Endymion space-saving: Feb. 6, 2017


By Kevin Allman

Click to View 12 slides




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Saturday, February 4, 2017

The Advocate is very disappointed in you, LSU students

Posted By on Sat, Feb 4, 2017 at 2:40 PM

Artist's conception: A meeting of The Advocate editorial board.
  • Artist's conception: A meeting of The Advocate editorial board.

You Baton Rouge campus radicals are on notice, because the editorial board of The Advocate is on to your subversive ways. A remarkable opinion piece posted yesterday tut-tutted the LSU students who held a demonstration against President Donald Trump's immigration executive order:
We’re not sure how leaving class will demonstrate to Trump — or anyone else — that the president should rethink his policies. Maybe gathering in the evening or on a weekend, when most students are out of class, would have revealed how many of the participants were willing to sacrifice their social lives, rather than an instructional session – to make their voices heard. Wednesday’s midday protest, on the other hand, looked a lot like playing hooky.

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Thursday, January 26, 2017

'Alternative facts'? No — just the facts, please

Posted By on Thu, Jan 26, 2017 at 12:37 PM

Kellyanne Conway, adviser to President Donald Trump, told Meet the Press that the White House was providing "alternative facts," not falsehoods. - CREATIVE COMMONS/GAGE SKIDMORE
  • CREATIVE COMMONS/GAGE SKIDMORE
  • Kellyanne Conway, adviser to President Donald Trump, told Meet the Press that the White House was providing "alternative facts," not falsehoods.

“You’re saying it’s a falsehood. And they’re giving — Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts.” Kellyanne Conway, adviser to President Donald Trump, on NBC’s Meet the Press.

“Alternative facts” may sound like something cooked up between George Orwell and Stephen Colbert, but President Trump’s administration doubled down on them during his first few days in office. Conway coined the term “alternative facts” on Meet the Press the day after presidential press secretary Sean Spicer held a belligerent press conference during which he insisted “the media” miscounted and downplayed the number of people at Mr. Trump’s inauguration the day before.

Spicer, Conway and Trump are entitled to their belief that the inauguration was the most beautiful in history, or the most historic, or any other superlative they might imagine. They are not, however, entitled to their own “facts” — which were contradicted by several objective criteria, including photographs of the National Mall, satellite images and ridership numbers from Washington D.C. public transit.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Editorial: Jeff Landry is Louisiana's Barney Fife

Posted By on Tue, Jan 10, 2017 at 2:32 PM

Not Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry.
  • Not Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry.
In a classic episode of The Andy Griffith Show, Sheriff Andy Taylor leaves town for the day, turning law enforcement over to his hapless, preening deputy Barney Fife. When Andy returns, he finds Barney has arrested half the town on charges such as “unlawful assembly” (Aunt Bee gossiping with friends outside the courthouse) and expects praise for cracking down on crime in Mayberry.

Turns out Louisiana has its own Barney Fife — Attorney General Jeff Landry.

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