You'd need plenty of room on your calendar to take note of the myriad, eclectic festivals held throughout the New Orleans area and Louisiana, especially during this time of year, when summer's swelter begins to subside and pleasant, rain-free weather abounds. Kick off the festival high season in style this weekend with two popular local gatherings: the LOUISIANA SWAMP FEST and the GRETNA HERITAGE FESTIVAL. The Louisiana Swamp Fest at the Audubon Zoo celebrates all things south Louisiana, from food and arts and crafts to dancing and live music. Held over two weekends on Saturday and Sunday (Oct. 4-5 and Oct. 11-12), the event is designed for all ages. Home to perhaps the nation's tastiest (and most diet-squashing) cuisine, booths at Swamp Fest will serve up everything from fried alligator and boudin to cracklin' and pecan candy. Besides all the food, the Zoo will also be transformed into a regional artisans' village, featuring unique local creations such as cypress baskets and furniture, duck carvings, Louisiana-themed paintings and more. And how could you celebrate south Louisiana culture sans music? With Cajun and zydeco acts on three stages, the musical attractions also extend to Cajun dance lessons and heritage presentations. This weekend's featured acts include Nathan and the Zydeco Cha Chas (4:15 p.m. to 5:45 p.m. Saturday, Performance Pavilion) and Buckwheat Zydeco (4:15 p.m. to 5:45 p.m. Sunday, Performance Pavilion, and pictured here). The following weekend features C.J. Chenier, BeauSoleil and Rockin' Dopsie Jr. and the Zydeco Hellraisers. (For a complete schedule, visit www.auduboninstitute.org/swampfest/ent.htm.) For an entertaining taste of Historic Downtown Gretna, head to Huey P. Long Avenue, from Fourth Street to the river, from Friday to Sunday. Each day will feature a German beer garden serving up authentic brews, with singing and dancing led by featured "oomph pah" bands. Food booths will offer more than 100 tasty treats, and there will be several arts-and-crafts vendors. A carnival area offers rides and games, with Friday night offering a "pay one price" bargain. In addition, the American Heart Walk and Gretna Heritage 5K Walk & Run will be held. Live music comes from local favorites such as Hunter Hayes, Bag of Donuts and Chee Weez as well as '70s-rock mainstays Blue Oyster Cult, the Marshall Tucker Band and Foghat. The Gretna Heritage Festival runs from 5 p.m. to 11 p.m. Friday, noon to 11 p.m. Saturday, and 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Sunday. Admission is $3 per person, with all-weekend passes available for $5. For more information (including the full music lineup), check out www.gretnala.com. -- Frank Etheridge

I Love My Kids, But ... 8 p.m. Thursday-Saturday, Oct. 2-4; through Oct. 18 Le Chat Noir, 715 St. Charles Ave., 581-5812 Whether he's quoting pig-headed Galatoire's patrons or meditating on the anus (insert joke here), Times-Picayune columnist Chris Rose has shown a couple of very distinct qualities: He possesses a stand-up comedian's gift for timing and delivery, and he knows how to bleed a hit out of his material. His latest work, I Love My Kids, But Š (presaged, it seems, by a recent Sunday piece on his summer vacation) has a whiff of Dave Barry (which these days is not an altogether fresh aroma), as Rose explores the awkward transition from stud bachelor to fatherhood. (Tip for Chris: smelly diapers really aren't funny.) But the author of The Asshole Monologues and The Galatoire¹s Monologues seems too shrewd to succumb to too many cliches and will get some help from comedian Redbean and musician Peter Orr. Good luck, Pops. Tickets $19, plus $6 bar minimum. -- David Lee Simmons

Alexander String Quartet 7:30 p.m. Friday, Oct. 3 University of New Orleans, Performing Arts Center Recital Hall, 280-6381 For its 2003-04 season, the University of New Orleans' Guest Artist Concert Series features three different shows with varied, global musical styles on display, from medieval and early Renaissance vocals to classical period string music to modern American jazz. The series will debut with the Alexander String Quartet, an American group that since forming in 1981 has established itself through masterful interpretations of the works of Beethoven and Bartok. The group has also distinguished itself with more than 25 original commissions. A further tribute to the band's success is its recognition as the only American act to win the highest jury award at the London International String Quartet Competition. For this program, the quartet will perform works by Beethoven, Bartok and Mozart. Tickets $10-$20; for the entire three-concert series, ticket packages range from $20-$40. -- Etheridge

Pride Fest 2003 11 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Saturday-Sunday, Oct. 4-5 Armstrong Park Years ago, the organizers of the local Pride Fest, which celebrates Gay Pride Week, moved the event away from the dog days of June (which coincides with National Coming Out Day and the anniversary of Stonewall) and into the comfort of October. We'll forgive the questionable strategy here -- we're still wobbly from Southern Decadence, and there's already a ton o' stuff to do in the fall -- and say that, well, there is a ton of stuff to enjoy at Pride Fest 2003. A wide range of campy fun will spill forth from Armstrong Park, most notably from frequent visitors from Austin, Texas, the hilarious Austin BaBtist Women. (Hint: they're not really women!). More star power comes from Chance and Simone Denny of Widelife (singer of the theme song for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy). More importantly, New Orleans' own Blanche DeBris presides over the festivities all weekend as King Mistress. Call 669-2857 for more information or visit www.neworleansgaypride.org. -- Simmons

Mose Allison >9 p.m. and 11 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 4 Snug Harbor Jazz Bistro, 626 Frenchmen St., 949-0696 New Orleans is lucky that Mose Alison comes to town a couple of times each year; his music appeals to young and old, black and white, hip and square. He has been singing his brand of bluesy jazz coupled with sardonic lyrics for more than 40 years. His tune "Young Man Blues" was covered by the Who in the '60s (the band was apparently astounded to find out that the Mississippi-born Alison is a white man). His piano playing has a taste of country blues with the sparseness of Thelonious Monk. His deadpan delivery of couplets such as "You call it jogging, but I call it running around" and "Your mind is on vacation and your mouth is working overtime" have been known to leave audiences laughing loudly. Tickets $18. -- David Kunian

Evan Dando 10 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 4 The Howlin' Wolf, 828 S. Peters St., 522-WOLF Evan Dando played second base on my Little League team when I was in second grade. He was a good hitter and a good fielder with occasional wildness. This can also apply to his music career, except that there is more than occasional wildness. Dando is a great songwriter (as tunes such as "It's a Shame About Ray" and "Into Your Arms" attest) and charismatic performer, but the former Lemonheads frontman used to be more famous for his rock-star behavior. After a several-year hiatus, Dando is back on the road having put his over-the-top antics behind him, touring in support of his latest release, Baby I¹m Bored, and we are happy to have his talent back onstage singing to make us remember how good the mid-90s were. New Amsterdams and The Love Scene start things up. Tickets $12. -- Kunian

Randy Newman 10 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 4 Contemporary Arts Center, 901 Camp St., 528-3800 Randy Newman helps the CAC celebrate Art for Artıs Sake on Saturday. Make no bones about it; Randy Newman is a genuine heavyweight musician, and his concert here is a major event. Newman is most famous for his sarcastic songs ("Short People," "I Love L.A.") and his film soundtracks (finally winning an Oscar last year for the theme song for Monsters Inc.'s "If I Didn't Have You"). However, the rest of his oeuvre shows a short-story writer's economy, whether in the beautiful small details of "Louisiana 1927" or the seductive stomp of "You Can Leave Your Hat On." Randy Newman has written so many good songs that he could sing them all night (and here's hoping that he will). His latest work, Songbook 1, shows him in fine form playing solo piano versions of many of his older works. This concert is a part of the CAC's Art for Art¹s Sake celebration. Tickets $15-$100. -- Kunian

Troy "Trombone Shorty" Andrews 10:30 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 4 Donna's Bar and Grill, 800 N. Rampart St., 596-6914 We still call Troy Andrews "Trombone Shorty," even though he's now mainly playing trumpet and stands about 5-foot-9. You must check out Andrews now so that when he gets as righteously huge and hyped as his talent predicts, you can say you saw him back when. Andrews, brother of James Andrews and descendant of Jessie Hill, truly has New Orleans music in his blood; he can rip traditional-style riffs on one song, Caribbean rhythms on the next, and finish up a set with some Uptown booty-thumping funk. His band is full of youngsters with the same sensibilities as Troy, and they're as hungry to play as he is, too. The laidback, comfortable atmosphere at Donna's also seems to give Andrews the relaxed feel to let his prodigious imagination and musicianship take flight. Tickets $5 -- Kunian

17th Annual Oktoberfest Parade 1 p.m. Sunday, Oct. 5 Begins on Convention Center Boulevard at Julia Street, 865-7004 Perhaps the grandest -- and at the very least, the most entertaining -- legacies of New Orleans' German heritage comes every October, as Oktoberfest season marks the return of the German Heritage Festival Association's celebrations. In addition to the group's multi-weekend hosting of dinners filled with authentic German cuisine and beers at its Deutsches Haus headquarters on S. Galvez Street, it also presents the annual Oktoberfest Parade. Now in its 17th year, the parade features plenty of local influence as well, featuring 10 floats, multiple marching bands and German singing groups, with German-style throws aplenty. This year's grand marshal honor goes to Chef Gunter Preuss, a native of Breslin, Germany, who currently owns Broussard's Restaurant. The parade rolls down Tchoupitoulas Street to Canal Street, up to Bourbon Street over to St. Philip Street, back along Decatur Street to Canal Street, where it eventually turns and ends at Galvez Street. -- Etheridge

Rhythm & Blues Expo, featuring Mem Shannon 8 p.m. Sunday, Oct. 5 The Howlin' Wolf, 828 S. Peters St., 594-8499 Mem Shannon headlines the Rhythm & Blues Expo on Sunday at The Howlin' Wolf. When celebrating not only Meet the Blind Month and White Cane Day (Oct. 15) with music, the names that come to mind are endless: Blind Lemon Jefferson, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Marcus Roberts ... American popular music, particularly the blues, is steeped in artists who found their groove without the benefit of sight. That makes the Rhythm & Blues Expo such a natural treat, as native New Orleans bluesman Mem Shannon (who at last check had all his senses functioning) headlines a 10-city tour sponsored by Little Buster Records and the National Federation of the Blind. (Bluesman Little Buster has long been acknowledged as a role model for blind musicians.) The tour also includes Ayanna Hobson & the Little Buster's Soulbrothers Band, Hans Olson, and Chris Hiatt. Tickets $30. -- Simmons

From the Water's Edge: New work by Sandra Russell Clark, Evert Witte, Robin Cole and Anthony Henderson Through October Tulane University, Carroll Gallery, 314-2228 The Mississippi Gulf Coast has long been popular with New Orleans artists such as Walter Anderson, who helped make Ocean Springs famous. But nearby Bay St. Louis is no slouch in the art world, and this From the Water¹s Edge show of work by four New Orleans artists now living there continues the long tradition. In their sculpture and graphics, Anthony Henderson and spouse Robin Cole put a contemporary spin on the old Southern themes of time and loss. And while Sandra Russell Clark's camera celebrates the landscape, her husband, Netherlands native Evert Witte, employs the subtle tones and textures of the coast in paintings that create unique spaces "without the confinement of gravity or reality ... places to wander around in, places just for the eye." -- D. Eric Bookhardt