A wide array of HOLIDAY-THEMED THEATRICAL PRODUCTIONS captures the many mood swings of the season, from the satirical to the sincere, with many opening this weekend. Here's a rundown: Running With Scissors returns for the third year with Grenadine McGunkle's Double-Wide Christmas, a Yuletide venture to the Everlasting Arms Motor Park, at Club 735 (735 Bourbon St.). The story follows worn and weary housewife Grenadine McGunkle (Dorian Rush) and her one-degree-of-separation network in the trailer park. The show is performed at 8:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday nights starting Friday and running through Dec. 27. Tickets $17. To purchase tickets or for more info, call 606-9903 or visit www.NORunningWithScissors.com. A family-friendly take on Christmas comes with the Artists' Cooperative Theater's one-man show, The Truth About Santa Claus, performed Uptown at the Fine Arts Center (1733 Constantinople St.). Santa himself takes the stage to tell his own life story in this musical. The Truth About Santa Claus opens at 2 p.m. Saturday, and runs through Dec. 20. Tickets $10. Call 481-8274 for info or reservations. A classic in a league of its own, The Nutcracker will again be performed by Ballet Apetrei in the group's 15th annual production of the work, to be held in St. Joseph's Abbey in Covington. International guest artists Andres Estevez and Joey Lynn Mann assume the lead roles in a cast of more than 150. Tickets $10-$25. For more info, call (985) 624-3622. The Jefferson Performing Arts Society also holds annual performances of The Nutcracker, with the organization's symphony orchestra and children's choir helping the tale come alive. JPAS' rendering is conducted by Dennis G. Assaf. Performances are 7:30 p.m. Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday at the Jefferson Performing Arts Center (400 Phlox Ave., Metairie). Tickets $25-$27; call 885-2000 or visit www.jpas.org. The Ballet Folklorico de Mexico de Amalia Hernandez returns to present Navidades: A Christmas Celebration (pictured). Hosted by the New Orleans Ballet Association, the acclaimed troupe performs a dance-and-music program that details the unique traditions of Christmas in Mexico. Navidades will be performed Thursday at 7:30 p.m. at the Mahalia Jackson Theatre of Performing Arts (Armstrong Park). Tickets $25-$75; call NOBA at 522-0996. -- Frank Etheridge

Puppetry of the Penis 8 p.m. Tuesday-Thursday and Sunday, Dec. 2-4 and 7; 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. Friday-Saturday, Dec. 5-6 Le Petit Theatre du Vieux Carré, 616 St. Peter St., 522-2081 These aren't your average set of "dick tricks." Spinning such lowbrow antics into both compelling art and outrageous comedy, the Australian duo of creator Simon Morley and partner David "Friendly" Friend have created a huge buzz with Puppetry of the Penis, which comes to tickle New Orleans for eight shows this week. In 1996, Morley started this strange odyssey when he named an art calendar, in which each month showcased one of his selected "genital gesticulations." After hooking up with fellow Aussie Friend, whose below-the-belt talents translated into a booming business for bachelorette party entertainment, the two debuted their act at the 1998 Melbourne International Comedy Festival. An immediate hit, Puppetry of the Penis soon ventured out on an eight-month tour of Australia, and -- with assistance from the documentary capturing their travels -- a legend was born. Tickets $34 Tuesday through Thursday and Sunday; $39 Friday-Saturday. Visit www.ticketmaster.com or call 522-5555 to purchase. -- Etheridge

Pat O'Brien's 70th Anniversary Party 7:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 3 700 block of St. Peter Street, 588-2863 Your doctor may argue otherwise, but on Wednesday night Pat O'Brien's will prove that hurricanes and old age do mix. The legendary French Quarter spot is known for its piano bar and charming courtyard, but it's famous the world over for its signature creation -- the hurricane, the deliciously intoxicating cocktail that's been turning teeth red and spinning tourists on their heads for decades. To celebrate its 70th birthday, Pat O's is closing down the 700 block of St. Peter Street for a party that features the music of the Bucktown All-Stars, a Santa Claus who will be spreading cheer, a hurricane cake and festive decor. In addition, prices will be rolled back to earlier times as hurricanes will be sold for $1.50 (watch out!) and beers for 50 cents. A raffle will give the winning ticket holder a party in the elegant Briars Suite at Pat O'Brien's, with all proceeds benefiting the New Orleans Police Department's Eighth District. Free admission. -- Etheridge

American Analog Set 9 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 4 Mermaid Lounge, 1100 Constance St., 524-4747 Remixes are all the rage; it seems like everybody is getting a hip DJ/producer to turn their record into something altogether new. And that doesn't just go for dance-pop and hip-hop albums. When Austin-based indie-rock band American Analog Set released a remix EP titled Updates last year, even they caught the bug. The tracks on the EP sound much like the originals with scratches and buzzes on top of them, effects that don't sound out of place in the context of the band's gentle guitars, perfectly blended vocal harmonies and retro-future synthesizer counter melodies. But they don't add much, either. This year's full-length release, The Promise of Love, sounds much like the EP -- pleasantly melodic indie-rock, with a few obvious hip-hop break beat influences. American Analog Set isn't completely out of place in the world of come-down trance, but it doesn't do much to further the concept. One-man ambient post-rock soundscaper the Album Leaf opens. Call club for cover. -- Cristina Diettinger

N.O.I.S.E. 7:30 p.m. Friday, Dec. 5 Zeitgeist Multi-Disciplinary Arts Center, 1724 Oretha Castle Haley Blvd., 525-2767 Sometimes, it really is all in a name. Local fans of the avant-garde and ambient will test that idiom this Friday, as a daring experiment in art takes the stage with N.O.I.S.E. -- the New Orleans Independent Sound Experience. Presented by Big Hair Productions, organizers tout "experimental original music and dance on the cutting edge of the New Orleans art scene." The roster of participating artists backs that claim, as the bill features "psychedelic" dance performed by Kathy Randals and J Hammons' Moving Humans Performance Group and the NOh Dance Company, with choreography by top-notch local talents Gabe Pickard, Hammons, Nicole Boyd and Monique Moss. On the sonic end of the spectrum, music comes courtesy of Dreamachine's electro-space, wave minimalist by Potpie, Murmur's acoustic drone, the Shveckle Havemyer Quartet performing Terry Riley's "In C," and the Death Posture, which combines the tones of Donald Miller and Rob Cambre with a Butoh performance by Vanessa Skantze. Tickets $8. -- Etheridge

Cree McCree book signing/Mermaid Gardens Flea Market Noon to 5 p.m., Sunday, Dec. 7 Mermaid Lounge, 1100 Constance St., 269-3982 When Gambit Weekly tapped the monthly Mermaid Gardens Flea Market the "Best Hipster Flea Market" this summer, it was a nod to the event's inviting blend of commerce, art and vibe. The honor also came without knowledge of organizer Cree McCree's extensive work in flea markets. We should have known. This Sunday, McCree celebrates the 20th anniversary of the publication of her charming how-to manual, Flea Market America: The Complete Guide to Flea-Enterprise (Ocean Tree Books). The work is an anecdote- and advice-filled narrative on how to run your own successful (in terms of both spiritually and financially) vending operation. Punctuated with pleasing illustrations by Betsy James, McCree shares her experiences as a "flea queen," mostly from her days in California and New York City before she moved to New Orleans in 2001. In addition to McCree's book signing, the usual Mermaid Gardens mix of musicians, artists, nonprofits and vintage vendors will be on hand. Free admission to the market; here the book will sell for $10, a $6 drop from its retail price. -- Etheridge

"Burlesque Is Back on Bourbon Street" 8 p.m. Monday, Dec. 8 735 Club, 735 Bourbon St., 450-0482 As we continue to lament the departure of the Shim Sham Revue from the entertainment scene (while acknowledging noble retro attempts around the city), the 735 Club plays host to this mix of dance and film. The movie doubleheader starts with a screening of The Velvet Hammer, a documentary on the popular Los Angeles burlesque troupe, followed by the New Orleans premiere of Broad Daylight, from filmmakers John Michael McCarthy and Victoria Renard. The latter film features several familiar faces, including highlights from the Tease-O-Rama extravaganza a couple years ago and featuring members from the Southern Jeze-Belles, the Sophisticats and Sophistikittens. Members from those troupes will perform after the screenings along with Kitten DeVille (a Velvet Hammer member and award-winning exotic dancer), Renard performing as Candy Whiplash the Texas Tease, and New Orleans veteran burlesque fave GiO. Tickets $10. -- David Lee Simmons

Recycle for the Arts: Auction and Oddities Bazaar 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 7 Cafe Brasil, 2100 Chartres Street, 947-2826 Recycle for what? Yes, that's right: Recycle for the Arts. It's a nonprofit, volunteer organization, and if you've never heard of it then you're probably not an artist. If you are, then you know: art depends on stuff. Sometimes new stuff, sometimes old stuff but, either way, Recycle for the Arts collects and distributes fresh, funky and creatively fertile stuff to artists for a minimal fee. It might be recycled paints, poster board or whatever found objects find their way through the door, and if you're thinking that sounds like the Green Project, then you are very close indeed -- Recycle for the Arts' warehouse is right next door to the Green Project, at 2831 Marais St. Last year's benefit featured more than 40 local artists, live music, a raffle and a variety of entertainment. This year's may be bigger and is, as always, free. -- D. Eric Bookhardt