The buffets of local theater, DRAMARAMA11 AND DRAMARAMA JUNIOR, are a form of speed-dating for the culturally curious. No sooner do you start to think you have a chance with one theater piece (or it with you) than the bell sounds and you shuttle off to another date with another performance. As you can imagine, then, the feeling is a little bit of flirting with a lot of fleeting. Where's the commitment? And yes, all rumors of DramaRama, which will be held SATURDAY, are incredibly true. One moment you're clapping your hands, the next you're scratching your head. But through it all, the performances do an amazing job of illustrating the breadth and depth (and variety) of local talent. This year's lineup is no exception, ranging from the legendary to the up and coming. The venerable and ubiquitous Ricky Graham (whose Hollywood Heaven is establishing the same long-run tradition as his Black and White Blues) serves up a little something called "Pardon My Weenie!" Supposedly crafted for those with Attention Deficit Disorder, "Weenie" features a butcher hosting an "unusual contest" in order to scare up publicity for his shop. (The pun potential is limitless here.) Another sassy local playwright, Pat Bourgeois, will present "What a Knight," with a loyal cat offering dating advice to his mistress, a single woman getting ready for a blind date. Favored stripper GiO, who has also worn the hats of talk-show hostess and more, will perform a "Personal Burlesque" with dance and a running commentary on a variety of matters. (We're not sure at press time if the audience will be required to attend with single dollar bills.) While other locals will try out new stuff -- including Brian Sands, Michael Martin, Jim Fitzmorris, Jose Torres Tama and Skye Jordan -- the night also belongs to the city's many performance production groups (be they straight-up theater, dance or performance art). Baton Rouge's Of Moving Colors will give a sneak-peek preview of its "Peacock Blue" piece scheduled for a June premiere. ON Place Productions offers "The Sound and Fury of Foozenbeasts," highlighted by the life-size puppetry work of Brian Spitzfaden and Jacques Doffourc. There will also be a presentation from J Hammonds' Moving Humans (pictured). All of this fun takes place at the Contemporary Arts Center (900 Camp St., 528-3800); first performances begin at 6 p.m. DramaRama Junior, a separate, more kid-friendly companion, will be presented from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Louisiana Children's Museum (420 Julia St., 523-1357). Tickets to DramaRama11 are $11 general admission, $8 CAC members; admission to DramaRama Junior is free with museum admission. For more info, call 606-9903 or visit the Web site at www.DramaRama.org. -- David Lee Simmons

Poor Man's Speedball 10 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 28 Circle Bar, 1032 St. Charles Ave., 588-2616 Leave it to Jonathan Freilich to make a kinetic musical happening out of a lopsided pick-up band. The local guitar visionary is known largely for his amorphous jazz compositions and spirited jams with the New Orleans Klezmer All-Stars. But he created Poor Man's Speedball out of a yen for the blues. With its rotating cast of in-demand players, the band features no less than three saxophonists, depending on availability, including Hart McNee (Los Vecinos), Joe Cabral (the Iguanas), Ben Ellman (Galactic) and Jason Mingledorff. The Iguanas' Doug Garrison holds down the beat, while Freilich happily shuffles through long jam sessions of spontaneous arrangements on a wide range of country blues themes. Lately, the Speedball picked up harmonica man Johnny Sansone to add licks and fill to the horn section's full-on power. Cassandra Falconer sometimes joins the bunch on bass. No cover. -- Cristina Diettinger

The Beatles Are Coming! book release/signing So much of the Beatles phenomenon -- known to the pre-MTV generation as Beatlemania -- has been chronicled from the moment John, Paul, George and Ringo set foot on American soil. But there hasn't been as much discussed about the events that led to this most famous of British invasions, one that altered the course of rock 'n' roll and pop music forever. Local author and Beatles historian Bruce Spizer tackles that very subject in the lavish coffee-table book, The Beatles Are Coming! -- The Birth of Beatlemania in America (498 Productions). (Funny timing, considering Mikko and Greg DiLeo have been honoring the band's 1964 appearance at City Park on Mondays at True Brew Theater). One of the lesser-known issues surrounding the Beatles' tour that Spizer addresses, for example, is the fact that Capitol Records turned down the group on four different occasions. With a forward by Walter Cronkite, the book features 246 pages and is flooded with more than 450 images (color and black-and-white). Free admission. -- Simmons

The Sex Workers' Art Show Tour 7:30 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 29 Zeitgeist Multi-Disciplinary Arts Center, 1724 Oretha Castle Haley Blvd., 525-2767 Ducky Doolittle, noted sex-advice giver and racy comedienne, joins other sexy folk for the popular Sex Workers' Art Show Tour at Zeitgeist on Thursday. They say that sex sells, and in Zeitgeist's case The Sex Workers' Art Show Tour sells out. So come early if you want to see this wildly popular assemblage of visual and performance art geared for both above and below the belt. Of particular interest is sex educator and comedienne Ducky Doolittle, who (judging from viewings of her Web site) loves to pose as much as preach the gospel of sex. Author Michelle Tea (Valencia, The Chelsea Whistle), scheduled to appear at this March's Tennessee Williams/New Orleans Literary Festival, will also appear. We're particularly intrigued by Erochica Bambo, a Tokyo performer and reigning Miss Exotic World of 2003. For the full lineup, visit www.zeitgeistinc.org. Admission for this 18-plus show is $10. -- Simmons

Theater Shows, with Karen Akers 8 p.m. Thursday-Saturday, Jan. 29-31; Feb. 5-7 Le Chat Noir, 715 St. Charles Ave., 581-5812 Cabaret legend Karen Akers returns to Le Chat Noir for a two-weekend stand beginning Thursday. We are quickly approaching the time of year when the parades close down St. Charles Avenue and a lot of the fun goings-on at Le Chat Noir, but when Karen Akers comes to town, you might as well shut down the 700 block of St. Charles. Akers is considered by many one of the truly great cabaret performers in the worlds, and Le Chat owner Barbara Motley deserves many kudos for getting Akers to keep New Orleans on her formidable performing radar. (This is the woman about whom New York Times critic Stephen Holden noted, "Her voice, while always impressive has also acquired a richer texture and a more elastic dynamism that complements her perfect pitch and demure elocution." The Los Angeles Herald Examiner was no less effusive in its praise, saying that Akers' voice has touches of Barbra Streisand, Edith Piaf and Marlene Dietrich. Yikes! Tickets $39, with minimum $6 bar charge. -- Simmons

Ninth Annual Best of the Beat Music Awards 6 p.m. Friday, Jan. 30 Generations Hall, 310 Andrew Higgins Drive, 944-4300 or 486-4505 OffBeat magazine's Best of the Beat Awards isn't just an attempt to honor achievement in Louisiana's amazing music community. It's also yet another attempt to see what all that talent can do, live and onstage; the music lineup at this annual ceremony is enough to exhaust all but the most hard-line second-liner. This year's roster is no less impressive, headlined by revue-style bluesman Bobby Rush (who's touring in support of his most recent release, Live at Ground Zero, reviewed in last week's issue). Then come the locals: Kermit Ruffins, the ReBirth Brass Band, Eddie Bo, Theresa Andersson, Henry Butler, Walter "Wolfman" Washington and Irvin Mayfield are just a few of the 16 music acts lined up for this party, hosted by OffBeat publisher Jan Ramsey and WWL news anchor Eric Paulsen. Tickets $15; available by phone or online at www.offbeat.com/tickets. -- Simmons

Kem 9 p.m. Friday-Saturday, Jan. 30-31 House of Blues, 225 Decatur St., 529-BLUE Ever since Motown picked up Kem's debut album, Kemistry, he's been pegged the next R&B it-man. Now, soul fans of all ages are catching on to his down-to-earth style. Kem aims to span generations with timeless themes of frustration and triumph, temptation and heartbreak. Born in Nashville and raised in Detroit, Kem was steeped in the masters of soul for the duration of his childhood. Inspired by Stevie Wonder, Kem writes and produces his own material, plays many of the instruments on the album, and sings with a four-octave range. Humble and unpretentious, he strives to work out his own life's journey through music, infusing his lyrics with spiritual messages. He's a bit smooth for any manner of hip-hop crossover, but for fans of gentle soul, he's a big breath of fresh air. Tickets $20. -- Diettinger

Andy J. Forest CD-release party 10 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 31 Delta Blues Grill, 542 S. Jefferson Davis Pkwy., 822-0358 Like a downtown Renaissance man, Andy J. Forest has rambled through many artistic adventures aside from the bluesman we know. He's been an actor, a screenwriter, a poet and a novelist, but he always seems to come back to the blues, this time with a new album titled Deep Down Under (In the Bywater), and his usual crop of gigs to hype it. Produced by Anders Osborne, the album is a collection of bluesy musings on everyday occurrences and bigger pictures, from the frustration of losing one shoe to the state of mankind. Glittering keyboard work by Sergio Cocchi stands up to Forest and his band of experienced players. Lyrically, Forest sounds content at this stage in his life. He describes his part of town with easy ardor, "I say hello to all my neighbors, even the ones who bite/ I can hear tankers and trains in the Ninth Ward night." No cover. -- Diettinger

Phix 10 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 1 The Parish at House of Blues, 229 Decatur St., 529-BLUE Struck with Phish fanaticism, Colorado-based band Phix formed to recreate the atmosphere of Phish's epic live shows as they were before they blew up -- in small venues with low admission charges. Claiming not to be mere imitators, Phix distinguishes itself from other cover bands by striving to recreate the spontaneous spirit of Phish's music. The band provides a fairly authentic recreation of Phish's 20th century musical smorgasbord, which is a phenomenon that merits tribute. Phix is not a Vegas-style impersonator band; they don't look or act like the members of Phish. But they do sound very much like them (with a few vocal inconsistencies). And though some naysaying Phish heads call the concept corny, Phix does tide some fans over until they get the rare chance to see the real thing. Freaked out by fandom and worn out by the road, Phish plays shorter runs much less frequently these days, leaving its fans in a constant state of jones. Here's a chance to get a Phix. Tickets $8. -- Diettinger

Masahiro Arai: Paintings Through Jan. 31 Carol Robinson Gallery, 840 Napoleon Ave., 895-6130 Who is Masahiro Arai? Something of a mystery man, Arai quietly divides his time between his native Japan and New Orleans, where he received his MFA from UNO 12 years ago. His paintings and stone lithographs are mysterious as well. At first suggesting academic realism bordering on photorealism, his work soon sets itself apart through finely balanced compositions imbued with a preternatural stillness and luminous qualities of light. Ordinary objects such as flowers, vases, Venetian blinds, cups, lemons, pillows, the view out of a window, all are somehow suspended in the moment, allowing these things to be contemplated as if for the first time, in their humbly luminous glory. Arai says, "My work attempts to convey a sense of calmness and meditation using room interiors and still life scenes as subject matter... Light and shadow express calmness permeating the image." -- D. Eric Bookhardt