Could the KREWE DU VIEUX PARADE theme for this year be any scarier? When Mardi Gras' zaniest krewe asks the bumper sticker-inspired question, "What Would Krewe du Vieux Do?," well, it certainly gets the imagination going. Because if it were left up these guys, we'd have human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria Š pick your favorite Ghostbusters quote. In short, it'd be pretty freaky. But maybe that's the point, for during Mardi Gras, freaky is considered very, very instructive. And as we pointed out previously, the brevity of this year's Carnival season has forced us to get our freak on early and often, so consider yourselves duly warned about this year's parade, which rolls on Saturday night. The krewe that loves to astonish is definitely at it again, promising to "turn wine into water, burn Bushes, smoke locusts, break way more than 10 commandments" (hey, it's their press release, not ours) -- all while exhorting paradegoers to "drink lots of holy water, prostrate (or prostitute) themselves, and confess to every sin they ever dreamed of." (Excuse us while we duck for cover in anticipation of the lightning bolt sure to follow.) That most irreverent of Mardi Gras icons, Al "Carnival Time" Johnson, will rule as this year's grand marshal. The parade route, as always, will launch from the krewe's den in Faubourg Marigny and snake its way around the neighborhood and up through the French Quarter en route to the annual ball inside the State Palace Theater (1108 Canal St.). Revelers will dance to the music of Eh, La Bas, Jon Cleary & the Absolute Monster Gentlemen, and then Johnny Sketch & the Dirty Notes. Tickets to the "spectacular resurrection" are $20, available at the Louisiana Music Factory (210 Decatur St.) and Miss Claudia's Vintage Clothes and Costume Shop (4204 Magazine St.). Parade starts at 7 p.m. -- David Lee Simmons

21st Century Pin Ups: A Tribute to New Orleans Burlesque 9 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 19 Suite Royal (upstairs from R Bar), 1431 Royal St., 948-7499 That burlesque is hot these days comes as no surprise to local fans who have enjoyed the sustained popularity of local troupes, namely the Southern JezeBelles, who strive to both honor and further the form since 1999. Artist, gallery owner and new R Bar owner Jonathan Ferrara is teaming up with artist and printmaker Missy Graham to create a party, and ultimately a photo exhibit, that celebrates burlesque. The interactive 21st Century Pin Ups: A Tribute to New Orleans Burlesque will feature local burlesque dancers modeling as they pose mid-party for a photo shoot. A crowd vote on the models will ultimately determine what girls and images will be used for a limited-edition print from the event; every ticket-holder receives a print. The party features music by Immaculate Deception and a cash bar. Tickets $20. -- Frank Etheridge

Lindy Gras 2005 Thursday-Sunday, Jan. 20-23 Various venues, 324-9073; www.lindygras.com Held at venues across the city, Lindy Gras celebrates its namesake dance craze and is led by top local musical talent. At 8 p.m. Friday, Ronnie Magri and his New Orleans Jazz Band lead a dance at Gallier Hall, followed by George French Quintet at 1 a.m. at The Parish at House of Blues. The program 'Jazz Funerals 101' takes place Saturday afternoon. At 8 p.m. Saturday night at Gallier Hall, Bob French holds court, followed at 1 a.m. by Henry Butler at The Parish. On Sunday, the Peristyle in City Park holds an afternoon of swing with the New Orleans Jazz Vipers, with a DJ-led dance at Mid City Lanes Rock 'n' Bowl at 7 p.m. Free admission to City Park event; visit Web site for other event info and prices. -- Etheridge

Jazz Funeral for Democracy 11 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 20 Congo Square, Rampart Street at Armstrong Park; www.jazzfuneralfordemocracy.com People that recall the highly contentious inauguration of George W. Bush on a cold, rainy day in 2001 remember scenes of heated protest, a Secret Service-protected limousine escorting the president-elect through jeers and projectile eggs. And that was before the Iraq war. Though W¹s second-round victory was less controversial from a vote-count standpoint, local organizers of Jazz Funeral for Democracy are no less agitated. The event features a march, rally and inaugural ball, all timed to the same, though non-mocking, events held in Washington Thursday. A coalition of groups (military veterans, civil rights organizations, peace coalitions, etc.) with a range of complaints against the current administration are working to deliver a day marked by music from local favorites such as Treme Brass Band, Panorama Jazz Band and more. The march runs from Congo Square down Canal Street to the Moonwalk, and then down Decatur Street to Frenchmen Street, where a street party spells 'Inauguration Ball.' No cost to participate, though donations are appreciated. -- Etheridge

Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey 10 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 20 Tipitina's, 501 Napoleon Ave., 895-TIPS; www.tipitinas.com Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey, like Medeski, Martin & Wood and Soulive, has done an impressive job of translating the jazz trio format into music for young improvisational rock music fans. Unlike the others, JFJO is an acoustic group whose approach to the music is more conventional in a jazz sense. Brian Haas on piano, Reed Mathis on bass and sitar and Jason Smart on drums are all extraordinary players and their interaction is telepathic. By giving their compositions titles like 'Daily Wheatgrass Shots' and 'Muppet Babies Get Lost at the State Fair,' they can play with the finesse of Keith Jarrett but still get across to the ecstasy generation. Walking With Giants (Sin-Drome), the group's latest album, was one of the better jazz releases of 2004. Tickets $10. -- John Swenson

Best of the Beat Awards 6 p.m. Friday, Jan. 21 Generations Hall, 310 Andrew Higgins Blvd., 568-1702; www.generationshall.com or www.offbeat.com This year is the 10th anniversary of OffBeat magazine's annual awards show and party. The awards show itself is hosted by WWL-TV's Eric Paulsen, but the evening doubles as a concert, this year featuring sets by Bonerama, Otra, Joe Krown, Henry Butler, John Gros, New Orleans Jazz Vipers, Big Blue Marble, Amanda Shaw & the Cute Guys, Punch People, Ko, Frankie Ford, Clarence 'Frogman' Henry, Liquidrone, ReBirth Brass Band, and Big Sam's Funky Nation. The music takes place on two stages, so the music and the crowd of local musicians, industry folk and music fans keep circulating. One of the night's highlights is sure to be a tribute to OffBeat's Lifetime Achievement Award winner Clarence 'Gatemouth' Brown, featuring Kenny Neal, among others. Tickets $15. -- Alex Rawls

Camper Van Beethoven 8 p.m. Friday, Jan. 21 House of Blues, 225 Decatur St., 529-BLUE; www.hob.com The computer-geek skate-punks of Camper Van Beethoven were a major part of California's indie-rock scene in the 1980s, adding their surreal, dorky brand of intelligent humor to a rather loud and snotty sonic West Coast landscape. New Roman Times (Vanguard), the band's first new album since 1989 (with all original members) is a timely concept album that follows a hapless soldier through the trials and tribulations of an, um, 'alternate' reality beset by terrorist attacks, economic strife and general uncertainty. It's a thoughtful, well-realized piece, even with the genre hopping (from Appalachian stomp to gypsy mazurka). One standout track is 'White Fluffy Clouds,' a sinister, guitar-driven slice of psychedelia with lyrics culled from conversations in military chat rooms. Even with the political direction, fans can probably still expect a rousing chorus of 'Take the Skinheads Bowling.' Tickets $15-$17. -- Alison Fensterstock

The Radiators' 27th Anniversary 10:30 p.m. Friday-Saturday, Jan. 21-22 Tipitina's, 501 Napoleon Ave., 895-TIPS; www.tipitinas.com The Radiators' celebrate their 27th anniversary with a two-night stand at Tipitina's on Friday and Saturday. There's something refreshing and real about a band that celebrates all of its birthdays, and be honest -- who'd have predicted they'd have this kind of staying power? Many bands started playing university parties, but most of them got real jobs, families and 'went straight,' as Iggy Pop once put it. You can point to the individual talents of Dave Malone, Ed Volker, Camile Baudoin, Reggie Scanlan and Frank Bua as the reason for the Rads' success, but it probably has more to do with filtering New Orleans' funk and R&B traditions through a post-1960s rock 'n' roll sensibility. The resulting songs stretch out to Dead-like lengths and in Dead-like ways, but with a distinctly New Orleans feel. Openers Bonerama (Friday) and Anders Osborne (Saturday) are old friends and musical co-conspirators, so it'll be no surprise if they -- or others -- join the jam. Tickets $15. -- Rawls

Marcia Ball 10 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 22 Southport Hall, 200 Monticello Ave., Jefferson, 834-7990; www.newsouthport.com Marcia Ball doesn't break any new ground on her new CD, So Many Rivers (Alligator). Then again, why should she? The honorary Louisianian has found her groove playing blues and R&B, drawing equally from New Orleans and Texas musical traditions. The opener, 'Foreclose on the House of Love,' shows her affection for Professor Longhair, while 'Honey Pie' features accordion player Wayne Toups emulating the organ style Augie Meyers made famous in Austin's Sir Douglas Quintet. Texas guitarist Stephen Bruton produced the album and played on it, staying tastefully out of the way. Nonetheless, his solo on the slow blues of 'Didn't You Know' -- featuring Ball's most soulful vocal -- is a model of economy and mood. As expressive as Ball's songs can be, her blues are ultimately party music, which is why she's a Carnival and Jazz Fest favorite. Tickets $15. -- Rawls

Imagination Movers' "Mover Gras" 11 a.m. Saturday, Jan. 22 Ursuline Academy Auditorium, 2635 State St., 488-6444 When a go-go movement gets underway in New Orleans 20 years from now, you can thank the Imagination Movers. Although the popular children's group has an ear for pop music in all its forms, recent shows -- with trash-can percussion and boisterous call-and-response sessions -- are really exposing the kiddy crowds to the syncopations that emerged from the 1970s Washington, D.C., club scene. Meanwhile, the Movers stay on the move -- this Saturday's first-ever 'Mover Gras' show is also a release party for Stir It Up, the group's first DVD release. Stir It Up ranks up there with the very best kids' TV shows; it's a lively and well-crafted collection of videos and gags, along with concert footage from last summer's Father's Day show at Kiefer UNO Lakefront Arena. Among the many highlights: the group's hit 'I Want My Mommy,' which gently riffs on a child's bedtime angst. Doors to Mover Gras open at 10 a.m. Tickets $6. -- Michael Tisserand

Dove and Hawgjaw, opening for Rwake The Howlin' Wolf, 828 S. Peters St., 522-WOLF; www.howlin-wolf.com Local sludge metal torchbearers Hawgjaw and hardcore/sludge hybrid Dove from Tampa, Fla., highlight a roster of six mostly sludge metal acts from across the country. With Send Out the Dogs (Throne), Hawgjaw has emerged as one of the top bands in the city that plays Louisiana's trademark down-tuned, exceedingly slow crunch. After nearly a decade, 'we've definitely come a long way,' admits lead singer and guitarist Gary Mader, noting the band's many lineup changes and that he had no experience playing guitar when the band first formed. Dove plays a unique mix of punk with sludge. The songs weave fast, hardcore moments in super-slow dirges, and this sound (and their looks) makes them come off like D.C. hardcore kids born in Gretna. Tickets $6. -- Rob Bryant 10 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 22

John Waters' Greatest Hits (1994-2004) Through Feb. 26 Arthur Roger Gallery, 432 Julia St., 522-1999 John Waters has always been different. While most filmmakers gravitated to Hollywood, Waters chose to stick with his old hometown of Baltimore. When he turned his attention to photography, he chose not to emulate the oversized prints and esoteric techniques that were all the rage, preferring instead to work with small pictures typically shot from his TV screen and printed at corner drugstores. While most photographers prefer to show individual prints, Waters says he favors sequences of images that "pay homage to narrative genres that best target and exploit our vulnerability: soap operas, horror movies, crime stories and lurid tabloid tales ... . By defacing, removing and severely editing the failed moments of my own work, and the under-praised work of others, maybe we can look at films that were initially dismissed or despised in a more optimistic way." -- D. Eric Bookhardt