Thankfully, we've got the Internet, with enough sappy love songs, breathless breakup ballads and even odes to onanism to last for years.
The warm-fuzzy holiday requires a concerted dive into the vaults for V-Day satisfaction, the cast of High School Musical be damned. Here are a few love- and lust-themed playlists -- as well as some post-relationship comfort mixes -- to jump-start the process.
Love thyself: Songs for the single
"I Touch Myself" -- the Divinyls: Perhaps the quintessential anthem of self-service in that it makes the solo act sound like a viable alternative to human contact -- a way of life, even. There's a sassy dancefloor cover out by Kristy Kay & Lenny B if you're a gay clich or go-go dancer.
"Longview" -- Green Day: Long before they were protesting the sorry state of modern America, the Green guys were battling boredom with a little afternoon release.
"Dancing With Myself" -- Billy Idol: If we had the chance, we'd ask the world to dance -- then beg for a Billy Idol comeback. Snarls are so ripe for revival.
"Pictures of You" -- the Cure: Because orgasms and tears really go hand in hand. Pun intended!
"She Bop" -- Cyndi Lauper: I was 20 years old before I realized what La Lauper was referring to. Idiot. Anyway, check out the sultry, slowed-down version on her new The Body Acoustic -- if Rosy Palmer demands a little romance first.
Flavor of the week: Tracks for a new romance
"Happy Valentine's Day" -- OutKast: There aren't many songs in the modern pop canon that actually use the V-word, but Andre 3000 makes a valiant effort to change that.
"All Is Full of Love" -- Bjork: "I'm so happy with this love affair, I want to wear a swan dress and punch out some reporters."
"These Words" -- Natasha Bedingfield: A writer writing about writer's block and then spinning it into a declaration of emotion? How very Elton John and "Your Song." Bedingfield may be a flash in the pan, but she gets points for gumption.
"My Love Is Like ... Wo" -- Mya: An age-old ploy recast for a new generation: Forget them other bitches, because I rock.
"Love Is in the Air" -- John Paul Young: Disco? Darling, it happens; just go with it.
Got the hook-up: Aggressive sex songs
"What's Your Fantasy?" -- Ludacris featuring Shawnna: Hometown boy serves up some pretty, um, ludicrous scenarios -- The Georgia Dome? What? -- but the breathless chorus makes up for spotty lyrics. Make it hurt!
"Throb" -- Janet Jackson: Take her to the bedroom and pray for a wardrobe malfunction.
"F--k the Pain Away" -- Peaches: A strip-club classic that works just as well during tender moments with the one you lust. We're still trying to figure out exactly what is a "Chrissy behind"?
"You Shook Me All Night Long" -- AC/DC: Especially appropriate if you happen to be making out in the backseat of 1980 Camaro. Which is hot.
"Gett Off" -- Prince: Subtle much? No thanks. Runner-up: "Erotic City."
Commitment classics: You'll do for now
"By Your Side" -- Sade: It's sensual, it's smooth -- just don't fall asleep.
"The Look of Love" -- Dusty Springfield: God bless Burt Bacharach, who couldn't carry a note in a knapsack but wisely let the likes of Springfield channel his talents. Timeless.
"Such Great Heights" -- Iron & Wine: I know, the Garden State CD is soooo 2004, but this clever gem knows no age. The Postal Service's original ain't bad, either.
"I Wanna Thank Ya" -- Angie Stone: The underrated neo-soul diva goes all grateful in this keeper featuring Snoop Dogg.
"Whip Appeal" -- Babyface: No one does it like Babyface, and no one else could get away with lines like, "Whip all your sweet, sad lovin' on me."
The kiss-off: Tracks for the breakup
"We Belong Together" -- Mariah Carey: Check the attitude and give Mimi a chance. This song is like wo.
"You Have Placed a Chill in My Heart" -- Eurythmics: Was this the most bitter song to come out of the '80s? Discuss.
"How to Be Dead" -- Snow Patrol: A one-sided argument perfectly captured in verse. Therapy never felt so good.
"Useless Desires" -- Patty Griffin: It's more about breaking up with a dead-end town, but a shiftless lover could equally apply.
"No More Drama" -- Mary J. Blige: Remember when MJB made innovative music? Her sample from The Young and the Restless theme song still makes me smile.
"I Thought You Were My Boyfriend" -- Magnetic Fields: Gay angst that we can all relate to. The moral of the story: Men suck.