And Now for the Winners
by Andrei CodrescuGuests and commentators were older versions of the frat boys, mostly decrepit cold-warriors like William Bennett and Al Haig, delirious with joy at finding a Fox blonde at the bottom of the cereal box. They all looked like they just put down their Scotch to come on TV.
Unfortunately, Fox missed the climax in Baghdad because they used footage from Abu Dhabi TV that was shot to look like there weren't that many celebrants there for the pulling down of Saddam's statue. The competition did a lot better with that one, so it looked for a minute like Fox did all the fluffing and the others got the sweets. But all in all, none of the others came close. CNN's Aaron Brown was timid and cranky, and there wasn't any rah-rah in him. MSNBC tried to outrightwing Fox but that's like wearing a stuffed codpiece when you just don't got it.
Things have gone down since the war, but the Fox effect rules. Bill Bennett, for instance, ex-drug czar and moral crusader, turns out to be a big-time gambler. There are sins and there are sins. With a father figure like Bennett and optimistic children like the Foxes and a good war now and then, the conservatives have nothing to worry about. Only the stripper news anchors in Russia and Canada might give them a run for the money, but this is still America, goshdarn it. We can be obscene with our clothes on.
