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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Pressing Playoff Questions: Beards, Nicknames and Cartoons

Posted By on Wed, Apr 23, 2008 at 6:51 PM

by Alejandro de los Rios

click to enlarge playoff beard

With the Hornets up 2-0 on the Mavericks after two convincing wins at home, it seems like many questions have been put to rest regarding this teams alleged lack of playoff experience, depth and composure. But with reporters hovering around (or should I say under) Tyson Chandler, I couldn't help but notice the Ceiling Fan Repairman's excessive facial hair.

Melvin Ely, the only other player on the hornets with nearly as much facial hair, said he didn't know where Tyson's beard came from. But Ely warned about approaching Chandler on the subject.

"As soon as you say something about it, he'll shave it off," Ely said.

Of course that didn't stop me from asking. Turns out, Chandler had arranged to grow a beard with Morris Peterson and Peja Stojakovic, but both of them ended up shaving.

"They both suckered out," Chandler said. "Now I'm the only one left."

Not so, I pointed out. Ely also mentioned that he'd grow out his beard as long as Chandler kept his gruff.

"I guess it's me and him then," Chandler said.

Also hard to ignore in that picture was just how much taller Chandler is than the media horde surrounding him. That brought up Jannero Pargo's new nickname for Chandler. What does the big guy think?

"Jannero's a little chump," he said. "I'm gonna have to come up with a nickname for him."

Like what?

"What were the guys in the Lord of the Rings?"


"Yea, that's it. Jannero's a hobbit."

Ladies and gentleman, introducing Jannero Baggins (Pargo Baggins? Bilbo Pargo? Or, as this hobbit name generator suggests: Sancho Sackville-Bracegirdle). What does the halfling — who is still taller than most reporters, including this one — think about his new name?

"What's that?" Sancho Sackville-Bracegirdle Pargo asked.

It's from Lord of the Rings."

"I've never watched Lord of the Rings," he said.

So you don't know what a hobbit is?

"I have no idea," Pargo said.

Well, I doubt Chandler has ever fixed a ceiling fan, so let's hope this other nickname sticks. Pargo is, along with Chris Paul, the shortest man on the Hornets. He's also earned a bit of a reputation as the team's spark plug and locker room jester. Are we to assume that Pargo is the biggest little kid on the team?

"Naw, that'd be Hilton [Armstrong]," he said. "He still watches cartoons. He's got cartoon DVDs and he ain't even got a kid yet."

Yes, how could we forget Armstrong, the man who's sound effect when he scores and comes into games is the "ThunderCats" call. What's the deal with that Hilton?

"That's something me and my girlfriend figured out," he said. "We wanted to do a cartoon and that was the best one."

Was ThunderCats your favorite cartoon as a kid.

"Actually, as a kid, my favorite was 'Bucky O'Hare," he said.

So what's your favorite now?

"Dragon Ball Z and Rugrats," he said. "I'm just a big kid, always laughing and joking."

There you go, ladies and gentleman. The secret to the Hornets success lies in the fact that their roster has a Ceiling Fan Repairman, a hobbit and a largest 6-year-old in the world.

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