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Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Report: Alien to land UFO on Bourbon Street on Fat Tuesday

Posted By on Tue, Feb 21, 2017 at 12:59 PM

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Lost in the hurlyburly of the first weekend of Mardi Gras, the first month of Donald Trump's presidency and the firehose of "fake news" comes this definitely-not-fake-news from Weekly World News, the former supermarket tabloid that now seems to be an online-only affair.

Billed (rightly) as a "Mardi Gras STUNNER!," the WWN seems to be the only media outlet to report an alien vows: "I'LL LAND MY UFO ON BOURBON STREET — ON FAT TUESDAY!"

The alien from Planet Zeeba, we are told, "wants to paint New Orleans red!"

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It's been a busy year for the Alien, according to the Weekly World Newsit met with Trump before the presidential election and endorsed him, despite the fact that Trump's Democratic challenger, Hillary Clinton, had earlier adopted an alien baby in a naked grasp for the extraterrestrial vote:
But Alien, who is from Planet Zeeba, the most friendly planet in our galaxy, says that he wanted to endorse Hillary Clinton but felt that she was not fit for office. Apparently, everybody on Planet Zeeba has read Hillary Clinton’s 33,000 missing emails and… “they make us sick. She compromised the safety of her country and of earth.”

Aliens from Zeeba predict that there is a 95.6% chance of a Trump victory and a 100% chance of an alien invasion.
That prediction was more accurate than most of our terrestrial poll-takers ... so it seems a certainty that an alien will indeed land its UFO on Bourbon Street one week from today, which surprisingly is not included in the city's official and exhaustive list of Mardi Gras planning.

Interestingly, the alien did not choose to attend the Krewe of Chewbacchus last weekend, where it might have felt more at home — raising the question: Is this a 'bro' alien? Does the alien want to "earn some beads"? Catch a bit of the Bourbon Street Awards? Split a "federally trademarked" Hand Grenade with Earl and Pam? We'll just have to find out.
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